Introduction

Grief refers to a painful emotional state caused by the death of a loved one. However, it can also occur in other situations, such as a major life change (moving house, disability), a feeling of failure (loss of a job, infertility), or a separation, whether from a friend or a lover.

Normal bereavement

The normal grieving process is full of stressful reactions that are essential to restoring psychological balance after a shock. It can be broken down into several phases: denial, anger, sadness, bargaining and acceptance. Acceptance is a return to the outside world, or healing.

The phases of mourning do not occur in a straight line; it is possible to skip them, to go back through a stage that has already been lived through, or to experience other types of mourning. These phases vary in intensity and duration depending on the individual. They take place against a backdrop of great emotional lability, with one day going well and the next not, and are often accompanied by physical reactions (pain, fatigue, sleep, eating or bowel problems).

The uniqueness of bereavement

In love bereavement, unlike death, the loss of a loved one is not irreversible and the hope of his return can slow the process. In addition, because the loss is due to a choice, feelings of abandonment, anger and guilt are heightened, denial is prolonged and acceptance is more difficult to achieve. This leads to a sense of failure and lowered self-esteem.

Suffering often leads to a search for immediate, sometimes addictive pleasures, or to self-destructive behaviour such as the consumption of psychoactive substances (alcohol, tobacco, medication, drugs) and risky sexual behaviour. Depression and suicidal behaviour are not uncommon.

What to avoid when mourning the loss of a loved one:

⬧ Rushing into a new relationship. This is a very popular solution, but it can lead to emotional dependency and the repetition of toxic patterns. To build a healthy relationship, it is important to come to terms with the past relationship.

⬧ Repressing your emotions. This can lead to pathological mourning known as inhibited mourning. Emotions are visitors that become increasingly unstable and therefore dangerous when ignored. You have to know how to welcome them and let them out, whether by crying, talking or doing sport.

⬧ Don’t let go. This can lead to prolonged or chronic grief. Practising mindfulness helps you to realise that control is ineffective and wastes energy.

Conclusion

Bereavement is a situation that can lead to dramatic outcomes. So it’s important to understand how it works and to accept the suffering without running away from it. It’s a time when you have to be your own best friend, listen to yourself, give yourself time, and remember that asking for help when you need it is one of the greatest proofs of love you can have for yourself.