Introduction

In many communities across Botswana, funerals are not just moments of mourning; they are cultural ceremonies that reflect deeply rooted traditions. One such tradition that often goes unquestioned is the practice of men eating first at funeral gatherings. While this may seem like a small detail, it reveals much about the gender dynamics embedded in our society.

Cultural Roles and Gender Dynamics at Funerals

At a typical funeral, men are tasked with digging the grave, collecting firewood, slaughtering animals, and cooking meat. These roles are often cited as justification for why they are served food first and given chairs to sit on. They are seen as the “providers” and “protectors,” and their physical contributions are acknowledged through these privileges. However, this narrative overlooks the equally demanding and emotionally taxing roles that women play. Women are the ones who wake up before dawn to prepare large quantities of food, porridge, samp, vegetables, tea, and more. They sing throughout the burial, offering spiritual and emotional support to the grieving family. They sit on the ground and are the last to eat, sometimes after everyone else has been served.

The Unequal Value of Labor: Physical vs. Emotional

This division of labour is not just about who does what; it’s about who is seen and valued. Men’s contributions are visible and rewarded. Women’s contributions, though essential, are often taken for granted. The fact that women cook all the food except meat, yet are not served first, raises important questions about fairness and recognition. Why do we continue to uphold a system where one group is honoured and the other is overlooked, even in moments of collective grief? Why is physical labour seen as more valuable than emotional labour? And why do we call men “providers” when women provide just as much, if not more, during these ceremonies? These questions are not meant to divide, but to invite reflection. Traditions are important, but they are not sacred. They must evolve if they no longer reflect the values of equality and mutual respect.

Signs of Change: Evolving Funeral Practices

Some communities are beginning to challenge these norms. In many urban areas, excavators now dig graves, replacing the men who once did it manually. Catering services prepare meals, easing the burden on everyone. Women now contribute equally physically, financially, and emotionally, and even participate in burial rites like placing soil in graves. Yet, they are still often served last and given less priority in seating. Why does this imbalance remain despite equal contributions? Though inclusive seating is becoming more common, true equality means fully acknowledging all forms of contribution. These small shifts reflect growing respect for shared responsibilities.

Conclusion

As we continue to honour our loved ones in death, let us also honour the living, equally. Let us recognize that both men and women carry the weight of funerals, each in their own way. And let us serve not just food, but fairness. 

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