Introduction
In many of our African communities, maturity is something that is praised. A child being quiet is a sign of being raised well. And a responsible child is considered a blessing. And we even admire a strong child. But sometimes, we forget that it is not always their strength that we admire but their ability to survive. When we meet a child who does not argue, one who does not demand, who does not require so much of our time, we greatly praise them. We never remember to ask what made them that way, what that child had to give up to be that composed.
Grief without a Funeral
We can all agree that not all grief is caused by death. Some grief is caused by not fully living our lives. Some children do not lose their childhood in one tragic event but slowly as they grow. In many African families, hardship requires every member of the family to take part in something. In most cases, a firstborn daughter becomes the second mother. A child becomes the glue that keeps the parents together. Children are forced to be quiet and not become “another problem” in the already struggling family. These children are proudly praised for “knowing life,” but the truth is that children should not know life. Children are meant to live life.
When Play becomes a Luxury
Children are meant to be noisy, curious, playful and even inconvenient at times but to some, even playing, getting together with other kids their age is a luxury. They learn to read moods on people before they can even read the vowels. They understand the financial stress in their families before they understand numbers. They carry a heavy burden of emotions before they are even strong enough to lift a bucket. And when they grow older, they have no idea how it feels like to be a child, carefree, playful little child. What we allow ourselves to see in them is discipline, not the anxiety they struggle with. Responsibility, not the exhaustion of their little bodies. And strength, not their fear in their eyes of becoming a disappointment.
Survival is not the Same as Protection
In this world where survival sometimes feels uncertain, every pair of hands becomes necessary. Many parents and communities are doing their best under a tremendous amount of pressure, but even in the midst of this necessity, we must pause and ask ourselves: Are we protecting the softness of our children? Because in the end, everything we do is for them. A child who acts like an adult might be coping, a child who never complains might have learnt that their feelings do not really matter. A child who seems strong might have had no other choice. In the midst of our daily struggles, let’s not forget that children are meant to be children in the world that is moving so fast.
Conclusion
The grief of lost childhood is silent, surfacing in adulthood as feeling older than our age and unable to rest. We cannot return to missed play, but we can choose awareness, let children be children, and heal ourselves finally.
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