Introduction

If it’s really “not that deep,” why does it need defending? Many of us have laughed at jokes we did not find funny, not because they were clever, but because pushing back felt riskier than playing along. 

The Social Function of Humour

Humour is not harmless. It is social currency. The person who controls the humour often controls the room in social settings. It signals compliance and alignment with the values, biases, and hierarchies already in place. Jokes move through power structures of age, gender, authority, and status. It is meant to test boundaries: Will you laugh? Will you accept this label? Will you stay in your place? Refusing to laugh risks social penalty; therefore, staying silent often feels safer. “Banter” survives because it is flexible. If it bonds the group, it’s with but if it hurts someone, it is dismissed. That flexibility protects the speaker and isolates the listener. Emotional reactions are framed as weakness. Reflection is mocked as overthinking. Humour isn’t inherently harmful; laughter can heal, connect, and build solidarity. Yet, it isn’t neutral. Jokes can include or exclude, challenge or reinforce power, normalize stereotypes, reward cruelty, and silence disagreement all while seeming playful. Recognizing humour’s social role reveals its impact in everyday interactions.

Sometimes, a Joke Lands Too Deep

Humour does not land in a vacuum. It lands on people who have histories, identities, and lived experiences. Culture shapes the jokes we share, and our lived experience shapes how they are received. While some jokes pass lightly, others linger a little longer. When someone responds with “it’s not that deep”, the phrase may seem dismissive, which shifts attention from impact and towards intention. Instead of asking why the joke landed badly, we label the person who reacted as too sensitive or too serious. The discomfort becomes theirs to manage. 

The Role of Boundaries 

Humour is one of the most powerful social tools we have as it signals belonging and enforces boundaries too. Boundaries safeguard emotional and mental well-being. They allow individuals to engage, question and participate without fearing exclusion. What feels like “it’s not that deep”, may echo past bias, stereotypes or moments of marginalization to the receiver. Recognizing this difference is not about policing humour, it is about understanding context.

Weight of Emotional Labor 

When the discomfort of humour is dismissed, the burden often falls on the affected individual to explain why the joke caused harm. This emotional labor can be exhausting. Accountability is not about blame; it is a guide for introspection; a little pause, listening, and adjusting goes a long way. Respecting boundaries fosters an environment where humour builds connections rather than undermining trust.

Conclusion

Humour can unintentionally exclude or silence discomfort. Dismissing feelings with “it’s not that deep” prioritizes intention over impact. Listening strengthens relationships; accountability is care, not censorship. By choosing empathy over defensiveness, we foster respect, trust, and growth. Used wisely, humour connects, eases tension, and builds belonging our challenge is practicing it responsibly.